


Endearing

by trekkiepirate



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: M/M, pet names and endearments, tumblr prompt fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 15:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7392886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trekkiepirate/pseuds/trekkiepirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt: "ooh, okay, harry and eggsy call each other pet names and annoy the crap out of everyone in their lives, but they never stop and even compete to say the most obnoxious nicknames ever?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Endearing

**Author's Note:**

> The Wodehouse pet name are taken word-from-word from stories by him. And the Jeeves and Wooster Hartwin AU is coming one of these days, swear down.

It started simply enough. Eggsy would hand Harry a file and receive a “Thank you, darling” or Harry would pull out Eggsy's chair for him and get a “Thanks, babe.” Most everyone at Kingsman ignored it. Except Roxy, who often smiled at the two of them like they were a basket of frolicsome puppies.

If only Merlin hadn't snorted when, during a meeting, Eggsy had said, “I got this, luv.” Were time travel possible (a theory Merlin tooled around with in his idle moments), this is the spot Merlin would return to and this time he'd keep his damn opinions to himself.

Harry had raised an eyebrow at the derisive sound from the head of the technology department and turned back to a blushing Eggsy. “I have every faith in your abilities,” the slightest pause, “dear heart.”

Eggsy tilted his head in the way Merlin had learned meant the acceptance of a challenge. “I appreciate the vote of confidence, sweetie.”

Percival rolled his eyes and Bors snickered into his drink.

The meeting continued, with every interaction between Arthur and Galahad punctuated by an endearment.

“Dearest” made Percival fidget with his wedding ring.

“Honeybun” made Bors choke on his drink.

“Precious” earned a huff from Gawain.

“Pookie” was met by Tristian rolling his eyes.

“Sweetling” merited a shrill, near inaudible coo from Lancelot.

“Daddy” made half the knights choke on air and the way Eggsy flushed when he was called “pet” got Merlin to call an early dismissal to the meeting.

The couple smirked in triumph, each as bad as the other, and Merlin thought that was the end of it.

Merlin was, as he had known to be on rare occasions, very very wrong.

The pet names continued on. Never the same one twice and increasingly ludicrous and saccharine.

“Do you think they work them out ahead of time?” Roxy asked as she sipped her tea. “I mean, they can't be coming up with that nonsense on the spot, can they?”

Merlin considered. “I have known Harry Hart for nearly three decades. He is capable of anything when he gets it into his head to be-”

“-a little shit,” Percival finished.

Humming in agreement, Merlin drank his tea as an idea comes to him. The timing would be crucial and the risk that he would hear something permanently damaging was high, but if Merlin had a flaw it would be that he is a curious sort of person. As a child, it led to him dissecting radios and on one memorable and punished occasion, the newly-acquired television, to learn how electronics worked. In the here and now, it meant he was listening to two of his closest friends have sex.

“Hmmm,” came a deep and thoughtful noise and the smacking of lips. “That theory about pineapples is true, it seems.”

“Told ya it was after I went downs on ya,” Eggsy slurred. “Didn't have to eat me out to getta taste for yourself.” He giggled, a high, giddy sound. “A taste of yourself.

Harry chuckled along. “You're boneless as a jellyfish. Scoot out of the wet spot; I'll grab the flannel.”

There was a general shuffling about as clean-up was presumably undertaken and the couple settled themselves in the bed.

“Limpet,” Harry cooed, likely being cuddled by a sated Eggsy.

This time Eggsy's laugh was a satisfied, happy thing. “Jellyfish, limpet. You suggesting a sea theme for tomorrow's names?

Merlin perked up. This was what he'd been waiting for. “Lass was right,” he murmured to himself.

“I rather thought we'd agreed on the Wodehouse ones. I researched several options while you made dinner. The list is- oh fuck it- the list is in my trousers. Let me just-”

“Fuck that,” Eggsy said. “You are staying right here in this bed with me. We'll go over it in the morning.”

Harry sighed. “As you wish.”

Eggsy chuckled. “Ohh, Westley and Buttercup. Add them to the movie couples list we planned for Friday.”

The sound of fingers tapping at a phone screen sounded. “Done. Oh, I still have the Wodehouse page up. What do you think?”

“Ohhh,” Eggsy whistled. “'Old ketchup of my soul' is a good 'un. I call it.”

“I rather liked 'quick-heat blueberry biscuit of my heart'.”

“During lunch?”

“Of course.”

A round of laughter then they quieted down.

Expecting they'd gone to sleep, Merlin was about to switch off the audio feed when he heard a quiet, “Harry?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Eggsy. Until the end of my days.”

A snort. “'Which better be years out yet because Eggsy is fucking sick of standing vigil over my comatose arse'. Say it.”

Harry dutifully repeated the words. He added, and Merlin could hear the smile on his face, “Goodnight, my Eggsy.”

“Goodnight, my Harry.”

Merlin turned off the feed with one hand as his other typed into the Kingsman search engine (and Google wished it knew half so much). Copying a website url, he sent it to Roxy and Percival with the message, “Roxy was right. Bring lunch tomorrow and we'll take bets on which name makes old Bors require the Heimlich maneuver.”


End file.
